xxxxxSamantha says, "I think it’s great that you are comfortable admitting that you need and want to improve your kissing abilities. Teaching yourself how to become a better kisser is a tough one because a lot of times, the flow of the kiss comes from the interaction with the specific person you are kissing. Hence, even though it might make you a little uncomfortable I do think you need to ask your girlfriend for some guidance. I do not mean that you have to sit down with her for lessons; I mean that in the act of the kiss, you should let her guide you and if she doesn’t just whisper seductively, “show me what you like” and hopefully in the heat of the moment she will want to show you what turns her on and the kiss between the two of you should improve."
xxxxxSteven from Cherry Hill, NJ: “When interacting with women, how can a guy tell the difference between her just being friendly and her being interested.”
xxxxxSamantha says, “A lot of times it is confusing when you are trying to figure out if someone is romantically interested in you or just interested in being your friend. It is especially baffling when you are dealing with a flirtatious girl. However, here are a few things you can look to help you get the signs right. First, forget about how touchy she is, a lot of girls are just touchy by nature, instead pay attention to her nervousness- does she get giggly around you? Does she pay with her hair a lot? When you look straight at her, does she get nervous and look away? Second, does she always answer your phone call? Girls tend to answer the call no matter what they are doing if they like you. Does she tell her friends about you and invite you to places where they are going to be?"
xxxxxChristine, Seattle WA: “I just went through AA and stopped drinking. I met a guy there who I feel very comfortable with. Do you think it is okay for me to date him?”
xxxxxSamantha says, "After going through AA, often times people are told not to get into a romantic relationship for quite some time. However, most people get into relationships nonetheless. If you are one of those people who will get into a relationship before the year waiting period then it is important to pick the right kind of person to get involved with. Someone who understands what you are going through like the guy you met in AA might be a good choice but you need to make sure that you have other things in common with him other than just the AA bond. And you need to make sure that you can fit into each other's worlds outside of AA."
xxxxxNick, Detroit, MI: "I am dating this girl and she is a big show off and always needs so much attention. It bugs me but I like her, what can I do?"
xxxxxSamantha says, "A lot of guys are attracted to outgoing girls but if the girl is the life of the party and needs attention all the time, that is when it gets tough. You need to get to the root of why she is craving the attention Is it because you aren't giving her enough personal attention so she is trying to get you to notice and/or to find it somewhere else. Or is this just her personality and you have to decide if you can take it? If its her personality but you like her and want to try to make it work, the best thing to do is talk to her about it and tell her how you feel. If you verbalize to her that it bothers you, makes you jealous, makes you upset,you may be surprised, she might just tune it down."
xxxxxJulie Paul, Villanova, PA- “I need your advice PLEASE!!! I have been dating and living with a man for almost three years. I am completely in love with him and want to spend forever with him. He however is still married and will not get divorced because he is afraid of his wife. And he tells me he will never give me the commitment that I want. I don't NEED marriage but I would love to be remarried one day. Do you think I am wasting my time?”
xxxxxSamantha: “Hi Julie, It’s a very tough situation when you are in love with someone but they can’t or won’t give you what you want. It sounds like you have been with this guy for awhile and it also sounds like he is being direct with you and telling you flat out that he is not going to give you the commitment that you want. So as I see it, you have two choices, you can stay with him on his terms since he is not giving you any other choice or you can leave him and see if you can find someone who can give you what you want. You need to decide which is more important to you, this guy or a true commitment and only you yourself can answer that question. However, keep in mind that a lot of times, if you need to ask the question, you already know the answer.”
xxxxxFrom Helen Nichols, NY, NY: “ I have somewhat old-fashioned values. I have been dating this guy about a month and now he has suggested we go to Vegas together. I like him a lot, but I am not ready to go to have sex with him and he hasn’t suggested an exclusive relationship, so I would like to ask for separate rooms. How do I tell him I am not ready yet without scaring him away?”
xxxxxSamantha: “When you are first dating a guy, traveling together can be tricky especially if you haven’t slept together yet. However, I think it is absolutely fine to tell him that you would be more comfortable with two rooms. You do need to make sure that when you say this to him, that you also make it clear that this is not because you don’t like him, but because you do like him a lot and do not want to move things too quickly and screw things up. If he likes you, he will respect your honesty and wait for you to be comfortable. Good luck!"
xxxxxSue Brown, UK: “Hi Samantha, To make a long story short ..I met a guy online, he is in Australia, and I’m in the UK. We fell in love, he came to the UK to meet me, after we had been talking for about 12 months . We are both married but in similar situation. He wants me to go live with him in Australia. I have a daughter who is 17 and who won’t go, so now I’m torn and not knowing what to do. I do love him so much…”
xxxxxSamantha says, “Hi Sue, thanks for sharing. That’s a tough one; choosing between the man you love and your daughter. However, you need to keep in mind that this guy in Australia is still married, as are you, so a lot needs to happen before the two of you can really be together. And another thing, it sounds like a big part of your relationship with this man has been long distance so you need to make sure it can really survive day to day. What I would suggest is perhaps you go spend some time in Australia with him; don’t make any permanent moves, just visit for 3 weeks or a month and see how it goes, see how you like where he lives, his friends, his life and really him. Those weeks will tell you a lot and then you can make your next step!”
xxxxxMelissa Saelee , Sacramento, CA: “The other day I found another girl’s picture in my boyfriend’s phone, so questioned him about it, and he said that it was just a girl from work. But then I got suspicious so I looked through his contact list and he had two numbers in his phone that I didn’t recognize and that were under girls names. So now I am worried, and I was wondering what should I do?”
xxxxxSamantha says: “Hi Melissa, thanks for your question. Just so you know, women, by nature are more the jealous sex, so you are not alone when you get upset about seeing another girls number in your man’s phone. However, you need to think about why you are so suspicious of him. Men do have female friends and if he does work, it does sound logical that he would have girls numbers’ in his phone that could in fact belong to work colleagues. If this explanation doesn’t ring true to you then perhaps there is something else that you are feeling about your relationship. You need to examine if you are feeling insecure in this relationship and why this might be the case. And then you need to discuss and communicate your feelings with your guy so that he can either try to alter the behavior that is upsetting you or so that you can move on and find another relationship that makes you feel more complete and happy.”
xxxxxxJessica, Dana Point, CA: “I have a crush on my best guy friend but I don’t want to ruin the friendship by crossing the line in case it doesn’t work out. Do you think it’s worth it to take the chance? Any advice on how to do it?"
xxxxxSamantha says: “A lot of people have feelings for one of their friends but are scared to cross that line and it is only for you to decide yourself if it is worth the risk. However keep these few thoughts in mind… (1) if it does work out, what could be better than being married to your best friend? (2)Once your best friend marries another woman, you will never be able to be as close with him as you are now, so it might be worth the risk. (3) Maybe he is feeling it too and will be excited and relieved that you decided to take the plunge.”
xxxxxGinger, Dallas, TX: “My friend seems to get more attention from guys when we are out on the town than I do. But objectively speaking I am much prettier than she is and everyone thinks so. Why do you think she is getting all the guys?”
xxxxxSamantha says: “Often times men are more attracted to a woman’s energy and her smile than to her physical looks. If a beautiful woman has a sour look on her face or her arms are folded across her chest, no man will want to talk to her. And a woman who is just average in the looks department can be very alluring to men if she uses her “come hither” eyes and she makes him feel as if she really wants to talk to him and is interested and excited by what he is saying. If you friend is getting more attention than you are, take a moment to think about the energy you are putting out there and readjust it so it’s “happy energy” which will translate into “guy-magnet” energy.”
xxxxxLiz from Washington, DC—“I think my husband is cheating on me. I can’t be certain but it is just a feeling that I have. Can you give me some advice on how I can tell if he is?”
xxxxxSamantha says: “It is the worst feeling when you think that your significant other is cheating on you. A lot of times it is a feeling you get without any direct proof. Here are a few signs to look for to figure out if he is a Superman or a Scoundrel. (1)Take a look at whether his sexual habits have changed. (2) Take a look at whether he has started dressing differently, has a new haircut or is wearing new cologne. (3) Notice if his schedule has changed a lot recently in a way that doesn’t really make sense. If any or all of these things are there in spades, keep that guy to the curb and go get yourself the man you deserve!”
xxxxxClaire- Wilmington, DE- “My friends don’t seem to like the guy I am dating and I really think he is a good guy. How can I change their opinion?”
xxxxxSamantha says: “The opinions of our friends and loved ones are always so important. We trust them, and we think they know us so well and know what and more specifically who is good for us. But occasionally they don’t see things the same way we do and believe it or not, sometimes they can be wrong. If you are dating a guy and you truly believe he is one of the good ones and your loved ones just “don’t get it”, spend some time telling your inner circle how important he is to you, that you want them to give him and chance and bring him around them more so they can see for themselves the great guy you have fallen for.”
xxxxxCara, St Louis, MO: “I am dating a guy I really like but he is a bad kisser. Do you think I need to dump him or can a guy learn to be a better kisser?”
xxxxxSamantha says, “Kissing is the key thing in a relationship. If this kiss is bad it’s hard to keep a relationship going. However, before you dump the slobber king, you can try a few things to get his kiss up to snuff. Try to show him how you want him to kiss, don’t tell him, don’t lecture him, show him. Be patient, sometimes the rhythm of a kiss takes a little while.”
Peggy from Boston, MA—“It’s the holiday season and I would really appreciate a few suggestions for cute gifts that I could get the guy I am dating. We have been together for 4 months, I don’t want to overdo it but I want to do something.”
xxxxxSamantha says: “When you are buying a gift for a guy, you have to pay attention to how long you have been dating and the kind of guy he is, because you don’t want your gift to scare him off. First, pay attention to the card- you should err on the side of corny and funny rather than romantic and mushy. Second, the gifts should be more about him than about you. So, a CD of his favorite music even if it is not yours, works. A gadget like the iHome iPod docking station is one of my favorites this year. Or something that he wouldn’t necessarily buy for himself but that he would like, for example a back massager.“
Stuart, New York, NY- “I need to buy a romantic holiday gift for my girlfriend, we have been together for 2 years and she says that I am never romantic. Can you help me and make some good suggestions."
xxxxxSamantha says: “Girls take romance very seriously and if you can’t pull romantic off once in a while you will sure end up in the dog house, if not given the axe. Here’s some advice about how to be romantic this holiday season… Make sure to buy her a card and actually write something in it, even if its just one line, she will appreciate it. Then with gifts, jewelry is thoughtful and it doesn't have to be expensive just something that reminds you of her and her taste. I piece of art that is personalized she will love. Or give her a romantic getaway or just a romantic night away with her where you did all the planning and she just gets to enjoy it. Happy holidays!”